Imagine yourself walking under the moonlight alone but your hoodie keeping  you warm and loved with the entire city lights cheering you on as you take one step at a time towards home- whatever  home may be to you. You plugged in your earphones and Lauren Marsh’ Dear Love plays along. “Tap, tap, tap.” The rain joined the bittersweet chorus of your heart.  You looked up and felt the sweet kisses of raindrops on your cheeks.  As it became stronger, it’s  warmth faded away. Now you’re  left alone cold in the dark. You found yourself looking through the stained glass window of a taxi. Pitiful rain, such betrayal. You took a long sigh and fogged up the glass. Why can’t my heart stop beating? And it beats  louder and louder like those ritual Djembe drum dances from West Africa. It went silent. “Tap. Tap. Tap.” There goes the rain again. I seemingly heard an invitation or so I thought.

Relationships and Pills

It’s late Saturday afternoon. I sat back and watched the sunset as my kids happily played.  I don’t think I’d ever love again. I lost it. For the first time in a long time, I am sure of something that I thought of for a very long time. It’s going to be a very very lonely walk down Lonesome alley. I tried, believe me, I did. Online or offline. I was told to swim among the fishes’ in the ocean. I awkwardly met men of all sorts. Ones who were special and did not even bother with my weight gain. They were amazing. Yet here goes the “but”… But I don’t think I’d ever be ready for any of it. When things seemingly get serious, I turn my back and ran away. I kept doing it. I feel sorry and sad. Lonely, too. So lonely. I feel so jaded. Relationships work like pills. You only feel good for a moment. Side effects last terribly longer. And I am too scared and scarred for that. So much for an ever after, eh?