It’s late Saturday afternoon. I sat back and watched the sunset as my kids happily played. I don’t think I’d ever love again. I lost it. For the first time in a long time, I am sure of something that I thought of for a very long time. It’s going to be a very very lonely walk down Lonesome alley. I tried, believe me, I did. Online or offline. I was told to swim among the fishes’ in the ocean. I awkwardly met men of all sorts. Ones who were special and did not even bother with my weight gain. They were amazing. Yet here goes the “but”… But I don’t think I’d ever be ready for any of it. When things seemingly get serious, I turn my back and ran away. I kept doing it. I feel sorry and sad. Lonely, too. So lonely. I feel so jaded. Relationships work like pills. You only feel good for a moment. Side effects last terribly longer. And I am too scared and scarred for that. So much for an ever after, eh?